11 mo old sleep gone crazy

[newmom7]

Hello, I've posted alot before so I know that this is probably normal for an 11 month old, I just need some support and to VENT!!!! Oh my gosh my poor baby is SO overtired. He refused his afternoon nap today altogether so he was basically up from 10a.m. until 5:30 p.m. before going to bed for the night. (he wont do the afternoon cat nap so I just end up putting him to bed early). Then he cried for 45 minutes when I put him down for bed tonight. I had to keep leaving and coming back b/c when I stayed he started playing, but it was SO clear he was really overtired and frustrated about it. It was an angry cry. He was so revved up from no p.m. nap that he wanted to stay up and play more but his body just couldn't do it so he was angry I guess. My dh is working late tonite, so I am so frustrated. It has been such a long day since we have been up since 5:30 a.m. (my ds is an early waker....6a.m. is the latest he sleeps in which is why I can't really do an early bedtime than 5:30p.m. since I have learned he only sleeps 11 hours, 12 if you are really blessed!). Usually he gets up for the day between 5 and 5:30 a.m. and I let him play in his crib until 5:45 or 6.

Anyway, I have been told that 11 months is a crazy time for sleep and that soon he may be starting to transition to one nap, but I don't think he's ready quite yet as shown by today!  I think maybe he is teething since he wouldn't settle and cried for his p.m. nap too, and he has been drooling alot and his back molars look really swollen, although he is eating fine. After 45 minutes I finally gave in and decided to try some infant motrin. I guess teeth could definitely keep him from being able to settle well. I feel like such a horrible mother when I can't figure him out. I try not to use any medication for him very often either...but I decided it was the only thing I didn't try and he did seem to be chewing and drooling alot. Why do I feel guilty? Well I must admit that about 20 minutes after I gave it to him he got quiet. I am dreading the first 40 minutes...the dreaded "sleep transition"..I am terrified he is going to jolt awake. He usually does when he's OT and/or in pain. Oh well, thanks for letting me vent. Man, this Mom guilt is no fun! 

[LaylaG]

{{{HUGS}}} 11 months was hard for us as well. Have you considered changing his routine a little so that he actually takes an afternoon catnap & avoids the overtierd state?

[skatty]

Newmom I just want to offer support, we are also having outrageous sleep problems with our 10 and a half month old DD. Naps are crazy, we have night wakings where she wants to play, early wakings etc and she is also so OT but wont nap properly. It's so hard to combat OT isn't it?

Anyway don't feel guilty about giving meds if he needs them, I actually feel guilty when I haven't given them and a tooth pops through, it must be so painful for them. especially with the molars. Did he stay asleep after the 40 mins?

Anyway ((((hugs))) to you and lets pray this awful period for us is over soon, Katt x

[Ydnic]

Hi there,

The 11th month was crazy for us too.  It was chock full of refused naps, early wakings and serious OT.  I was just about at the end of my tether and nothing I did seemed to work!!!!!!  From what I understand, the 11th month is a huge transition time and when I finally took a breath and watched my ds, I could see that major developmental growth.  The best way I can explain it was that he was learning SO much and SO quickly, he couldn't "shut his mind off" and go to sleep.  (Mostly for naps, although night sleep was no picnic either.)  I would often drive around in the car to get him to sleep, and even then would have to cover the infant seat with a blanket to block out his vision so he would sleep.  Talk about accident parenting.  This for a child who had been an independent sleeper for a long time...

One thing that really worked for us is giving him less nighttime sleep, as at this age they start needing less sleep.  We cut it by 30-45 minutes and that really made a difference with naps.  We did have to get him caught up on his OT first though.  Now he's over 13 months and still on 2 naps.  I keep the AM nap shorter and let him sleep longer for his PM nap.

You may have to just wait out this time period.  I know it sucks, it hasn't been that long ago for us and I remember it all too well.  As far as feeling guilty, you're not alone.  I have often wished that I was a mind reader and had nerves of steel.

Hang in there!!

Cindy

[newmom7]

Thanks so much for the responses! I appreciate the support.

Cindy, I am so glad to know that this changes.  My ds is in there refusing to sleep for his a.m. nap as we speak. He is whining and playing on and off in his crib. I know he is OT because he was rubbing his eyes and whining for sleep but now he can't seem to get there. We are still dealing with the EW too on and off. I agree that he is changing fast though, so maybe that does explain it. He can now entertain himself with his toys alot longer than he used to also, do alot more physical stuff, and seems to be more interested when I read him books. He also responds a lot more when I call him, which he never really used to do.

Another ?...how do you handle going on outings when your lo is still on 2 naps? That is a problem we are also having...not only is his sleep crazy and he is OT, but since he takes 2 naps a day I can't really go anywhere for too long (just local stores, etc), which adds up to major boredom for the both of us by the end of the week. What did you do? My ds won't really sleep in his car seat or stroller for long if he actually falls asleep there (maybe 20 minutes).  I have a friend who lives 45 min from here with a little one who always wants to do something but my ds won't nap in his pack n play either, so I can't really go visit her for too long without having to turn around and come right back home for his nap or bedtime in his crib....which he may not end up napping anyway!

By the way, I agree about keeping the a.m. nap shorter....that seems to help guarantee he at least takes an afternoon nap. If he refuses a nap, I'd rather it be the a.m. nap. As far as bedtime goes...he has REALLY been fighting it these days...crying alot once I put him down... but once he falls asleep he usually stays there, although he might wake up 1 hour into it probably from being OT, then I have to put him to sleep again which is very difficult. I can't really stay in the room after I comfort him for a few minutes...if he sees me it is all over...he is up trying to play with me, then as soon as I try to leave he throws a crying fit. Doing put down also makes him REALLY angry, but I try to do it a few times to give him the idea before I leave again. I am learning that in all that crying lately, he really isn't in despair...he is angry. If I leave him alone for 5 minutes or so he usually stops crying on his own and eventually goes to sleep as long as it is truly just an anger cry. If he is in pain or upset for some other reason, that hasn't worked of course, so I go back in right away, but usually once I figure out what it is and comfort him a bit, he may cry for a few minutes and then self soothes after that (he holds and sucks on his little lovey blanket).  I always feel so guilty for letting him cry at all, but I realize that you can't expect a baby not to cry...I guess as long as I respond by coming into the room when it is the type of cry that needs to be responded to.  Oh well....

[Ydnic]

Is his crying at naptime the norm, or just since this 11 month rough patch?  Naps were a screamfest for Matthew during that 11th month.  Matthew has never been a good napper though, and there were times when he just had to cry a little bit and get it out in order to settle down.  Then he was alright.  I'd say if your ds is crying for 5 minutes before settling, I wouldn't be too concerned.  That's just my humble opinion. 

As far as outings and naps.  Well, it is a rare occasion when my ds will sleep anywhere but his crib.  Not in the stroller or car seat, he just won't have it!  It's now getting to the point when he can handle a one nap day here and there as long as I give him an early bedtime on those days.  So, that's what I do when I need to.  I know its hard.  It makes me feel a little stuck at times and I've been irritated often because I have to leave the middle of a fun time just because my baby needs a nap or its bedtime.  Oh, yes, I confess that its actually made me mad.  I can be pretty selfish about it.   I can see Matthew change from month to month now though, and it's getting easier.  Sometimes, when I think of him going to 1 nap a day, I wonder when in the world I'll get to shower!  There is a balance between having your little ones needs met and pushing a little when needed.  ie: Staying a bit later at a friends and pushing them a little past nap time once in a while.  I no longer pack up and run at the first eye rub.  Thats just me, and to be honest, I think I've come a long way!

Sorry if I've rambled a bit.  Hope it helped!

Cindy

[newmom7]

Cindy~Thanks for the reply-it did help! Also, sorry it took me a bit to get back.....
Ummm, yes my ds crying at every naptime is sort of new...or I should say that he cries a bit longer and more intensely than he used to since we've hit the 11 month sleep troubles. Yeah, I guess letting him cry 5 minutes isn't too bad....but I feel awful that he cries. I just know when I have gone back in it has rarely ever helped but usually only made things worse. There are days when I wonder though....am I slipping into cry it out? But I don't think so b/c its not like that desperate cry and usually doesn't go on for more than 5-10 minutes and the intensity in that time stretch varies... When he is really upset it usually escalates and stays there and I always go in at those times.

Our lo is now also crying alot before going to bed every night too for about 10 minutes. This is also pretty new. He starts fussing as soon as we get near the end of the wind down for bed routine...and he doesn't do that much during the day. He seems to want to stay up and play I think.  I guess he is starting to recognize that its bedtime, and the fun is over. Yeah, they do grow up fast 

Also, whew, I am so glad to know I am not the only one who gets frustrated and sometimes doesn't want to keep to my lo's nap routine when out and about. I tell ya, that's SO frustrating. Especially for me because my friend just takes her kids wherever and whenever, and they sleep wherever and whenever too...she never had any of her 3 kids on any sort of routine and they all co-slept. Talk about the opposite end of the spectrum  She isn't judgmental of me, but she always tells me that she thinks everything I go through to get him to sleep etc. is just a big hassle and has not really "worked."  She says she couldn't do it...she would have given up by now. Ah well, everyone is different. I am glad I did it because in my mind, he would have had sleep problems either way.    Alicia

[Ydnic]

I was at a cookout a few weeks ago and chatted with a friend who I don't know super-well, just casually, I guess.  Anyway, she is pregnant with baby #5.  Surprise!  She told me that its times like we were having at the barb b que when she gets irritated at the fact that she has to patrol her 2 year old and can't mingle like she wants.  I thought about what she said later, and it occured to me that every mommy (at least who is honest  ) struggles with it at one time or another.  So, maybe we should just be glad that we're normal!

I spent alot of time in the first year of my son's life trying to make him into something he wasn't.  It was only recently when someone mentioned something about accepting the fact that I don't have a good napper that it dawned on me what I was doing.  Maybe I thought that it was a reflection on me and my parenting that he doesn't nap well, I dunno??     At any case, we're are all wired differently and my guess is that if you changed your parenting style and mirrored hers, your ds wouldn't magically become a great napper!

If we can count on anything, it is that our little ones constantly change!  So, it won't be like this forever.   

Cindy

[jmoran544]

My dd is 11 months old- 9 adjusted- but I think the "adjusted" is out the window, since she sounds a lot like the other lo's described above. She has almost caught up in gross motor skills, so I think her chronological age applies here.

After being ill two weeks ago, and then her ds for a week, her sleep has been all over the place at night. Both lo's slept for two nights through the night once everyone was feeeling better. Since then dd has woken up 2-3 times before 10pm but put herself to sleep within 5 minutes. The fun part occurs when she wakes up at 2, or 3, or 4 am and plays in her crib for an hour, then moans or cries for another 30 minutes. I can't go in or she screams! This morning she played from 4:15 until about 5:15, then fell asleep for a total of 5 minutes before ds woke up. Then it was all over-- my sleep night, that is.

Lucky that ds mostly has slept through her playing/moaning/crying, but not always.

So what you are all telling me is that this is normal, and it will pass, right?

Any suggestions on how to improve the situation? Do I need to overtire dd during the day so she sleeps better at night? Out tweaked routine of about a month ago does not seem to work anymore.

*How it was before illness, but not since...

5:30 wake and play in crib
6:00 bottle
7:30 breakfast
8:45/9:00 nap 1-1.5 hr
10:30 bottle
12:30 lunch
1:30/2:00 nap 1-1.5 hr
3:30 bottle
5:00 dinner
6:00 bottle
6:15 in bed
6:30 asleep

*This worked for about 2 weeks, then we got sick. I've been trying to stick to this, but naps are not as stable, and either dd is waking in the wee hours, or ds wakes up at 5:15. The last three days dd has not slept through the night.

[Ydnic]

It passed for us.  That 11th month was a long one.

For Matthew, he started needing less sleep during this time.  So, I did 2 things.  I shortened his AM nap, and didn't let him sleep more than 45 minutes at the most.  You could try stretching the A time too in 15 minute increments, that might make a difference.  The second thing I did was to shorten his night, by changing his bedtime from 7:00 to 7:30-7:45ish.  That made a big difference.  The tricky thing is to make these changes AND get them caught up from being overtired at the same time.  Good daytime sleep makes for good nighttime sleep.  Once daytime is back on track, nights will get better.  The best thing I can recommend for those days that any sleep is missed is an EARLY BEDTIME!  (It also helps you keep your sanity! )

During that time period Matthew also had very early wakings,  like you mentioned and yes, if I went into his room, it was all over.  He would scream if I tried to leave, but if I let him go, he was ok, even if he didn't go back to sleep.  He never played in his crib like you mentioned, but I've heard of others doing that.

Check out the 2 for 1 nap transition board.  There is great stuff on that and it helped me alot.  It can be a little tricky and its mostly a matter of what works best for your lo. 

Hope that helps.
Cindy

[jmoran544]

About how long should naps be now?

[thitz]

Newmom7, this might be controversial but really sounds like your little one is ready for one nap.  You could try it and see how it goes.  My lo seemed really tired at his old nap times but would scream his head off when I tried to get him to nap and would take forever to get to sleep.  And after a couple weeks of this I'd had enough and if he wouldn't sleep right away I just got him up again, ended up his first nap time ended up being 11:00am (that's with a 6:30 wakeup).  So I started sticking to one nap and now he goes down easily.  Lots of babies transition early.  My little trick is taking him for a backpack during his old morning nap time, lets him rest without sleeping for about 30mins and then he's good to go again.

[Ydnic]

As far as naps, we have a shorter AM nap, then I let Matthew nap as long as he wants/needs for the PM nap.  The trick is to gradually shorten the AM nap until it gets cut out altogether.  Eventually, when he goes to 1 nap, it will be a long one, but those take awhile to lengthen.  Some on the 2 for 1 board can only let their lo's sleep for 10 mins in the AM in order to get any kind of PM nap.

As far as going to 1 nap, some 11 month olds can do that.  As long as their A time is consistently 5 hours or at least 4.5 hours.  We're still on 3.5 - 4 at our house.

Cindy

[newmom7]

Thitz-yeah, I wonder about the transition and if he is ready for one nap too. Actually the only thing that makes me think he might not be able to handle it yet is b/c he still can only handle 3.5 - 3.75 hours of activity time at the most...4 hours leads to an OT baby so far.  Also he early wakes. I know Tracy says in her book that I need to fix the early wakes first (he gets up anywhere from 5-6a.m.) or else he will never make it until late morning (11ish) to start one nap, and anything earlier would be too early. He goes to bed between 6 and 7 p.m. as it is now depending on his wake up time from last nap and total hours of naps for the day. I am TERRIFIED to do wake to sleep b/c even when he has gotten up at 4 a.m. (yes he did that 2 days ago) he will not go back to sleep no matter what I do. The few times I had success putting him back down at that hour I gave him a bottle but I only did that b/c I believed he was hungry b/c he was smaller then (8 months I think) and if I recall correctly was teething at the time and refusing some of his regular bottles. I don't dare do that now in fear of starting any bad habits. Actually his sleep has been bad the last two days too....his first nap was barely 1/2 hour (that's after 3.5 hours of A time) and it was fitful. His p.m. nap was 1 hour 15 minutes and his bedtime was early at 6p.m. He woke up screaming at 7 (sleep transition I guess). I thought he was OT at first, but then he was pulling his ears and rubbing his nose. I have been suspecting that maybe his 1st molars are bothering him again (teething). He had a runny nose yesterday for instance, and not today. Also he woke up screaming not just crying. I think he is in pain. Either that or he is having night terrors, but honestly I didn't think he was sleeping long enough for that, plus he is awful young. Any other advice or input? Let me know! Thanks~

[skatty]

Hi, I thought I'd update as I think we have had some success  Leorah now goes down very well for two naps a day and goes to bed and falls asleep within 10 minutes with minimal NWs even though she is teething  This is what we did... EARLY BEDTIMES to catch up on the OT. I can't recommend them enough! On at least 3 occassions in the last few weeks DD was in bed by 5pm and slept over 13 hours. As for the NWs if we went in and she was playing we would do WIWO but also we listened very carefully and realised she wasn't actually upset at these NWS so also let her work through some on her own, if we did WIWO she would scream so angrily but after 3x max she would just go to sleep, it's fantastic! The last few days we have been having extremely short naps again but she was waking happy so I realised anow she has caught up on the OT she needs more A time I increased the am time by 25 mins and between naps by 15 mins and she took a 40 min am nap and a 1hr30 pm nap with a bedtime of 6.30pm and she woke today at 6.30am. I know things won't stay as good as this but I feel I have more tools to hand now so am more confident at catching OT in the bud.

I hear you all with the being prisoner to naps. Iused to wing it and that is what got us into this mess, I used to just think she was a bad napper but now I realise it was because I didn't offer any consistancy, she's still not great but much better. I am reading Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child and I now realise L's sleep needs to be my biggest priority and good sleep is as important as a good diet, I can also see howw much more energised and happy she is.

Good luck everyone, I think we can definitely put this 10/11 month glitch down to developemental stuff don't you? Katt