Author Topic: One and a half year old won't sleep without me  (Read 5300 times)

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Offline kouros

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One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« on: November 01, 2008, 05:44:47 AM »
My 1.5 year old will not sleep unless I am physically in the bed with her. She has never been a great sleeper, and things are only getting worse. I was able to get her to sleep by laying on the bed with her and then leaving once she had fallen asleep. It wasn't an ideal situation, but at least I could get her to sleep. A couple of weeks ago, I ended up having to go on a 2 night trip for work, and since then, she will not sleep unless I am in the bed with her and stay there. The second I try and get out, she's up, crying. She is sleeping in a double bed and so crying it out doesn't really work because a) she just jumps off the bed and stands at her door b) she cries so hard she often vomits c) if i do leave the room, she begins to scream, falls to the ground, banging her first and legs and I'm afraid that if I leave for too long, she may hurt herself. To make matters worse, if I am able to get myself out of the bed, she is up at 5am, in my room, checking to see if I am there, and then once again, won't sleep unless I come back to bed with her. She looks exhausted, and I feel terrible for her.
I have tried slowly distancing myself from her as she sleeps (trying to slowly get her used to the idea of sleeping without me), but have made it as far as the foot of the bed. The second I get any further, she does all or a combination of the aforementioned items. I don't know what to do. My husband watches her during the day, and he rocks her to sleep (on the rocking chair) and puts her down once she is asleep. He is able to leave the room. If both of us our home, she screams bloody murder if he is the one that tries to put her down. Help, I know these are all props that we have been using, but she's 1.5 years old and I don't know what to do now. Any and all advice is welcome....

Offline chars mum

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Re: One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« Reply #1 on: November 01, 2008, 12:13:19 PM »
Hi Kouros,
{{HUGS}}  Know precisely how you feel, we have been in nearly the exact same situation, vomiting and all!
We were holding our DD until she was asleep then very very gingerly setting her down in her crib.  It got super frustrating when she would stir and we would have to start the entire process all over again...several times!  It would sometimes take HOURS to get our of her room.  We got desperate too and found some super helpful advice and support here.  We are still working on things but at least we no longer hold her to sleep, she goes off in her crib.  We do however still need to be in her room BUT we are very slowly moving closer to the door (we're just over halfway now, it has taken about 6 weeks to get to this point!).  We are using the Gradual Removal method. (see Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE))
At first when we put her in her crib she would cry so hard she would vomit everywhere.  I was told that LOs do this to try to get you to go back to the old way of going to sleep...and if you do, then it has worked and they will keep doing it to get what they want.  As hard as it was, we held fast through the vomiting and it eventually stopped. 
First thing I would suggest is that you and your husband sit down and make a game plan, you both need to be on the same page.  He needs to stop rocking her to sleep, it's not helping teach your DD how to sleep independently.  At least when you put her to sleep, she is in her own bed which is where you wnat her to fall asleep.  Since our DD is still sleeping in a crib, I am not sure how you can address the problem of your DD getting out of bed when she is upset.  Hopefully someone else on here can give you some advice there.  Mind you, it sounds like you were trying and made it to the foot of the bed, right?  What if you could somehow very slowly move to away from your DD to the edge of the bed then onto the floor or into a chair set up right beside her bed and, like us, gradually move towards the door?  What do you think?
I think the Gradual Withdrawal method will work to teach your DD how to sleep independently too.  What are your thoughts?


NoelleChristine

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Re: One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2008, 19:52:34 PM »
Man...that sounds very hard and very exhausting.  Hugs to you honey!  I think the advice that chars mum gave you is great.  You might already do this but my .2 cents would be to make sure that you have have a bedtime routine that you do every night as well.  I really believe that this helps children know what to expect and helps them unwind their little minds and bodies and prepare themselves for bed.

Like pp basically said, it's going to take time.  You won't be able to change this overnight but it can be done!

Offline Benz

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Re: One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2008, 09:53:25 AM »
omg kouros I was, still am (in the midst of teaching him to sleep by himself and in his own cot) pretty much in the same boat.   My lil one is 14mths now and has been co-sleeping with us since he was born (it was on and off for the first 6mths and permantly from then on).  He won't let his fathr put him to bed and he insist in holding my hand when falling asleep.  I could only leave when he is asleep.
Jett is pretty much wakes btw 6:30-7:30 (depending if i'm working on the day or not). Has his breaky, brush his teeth, change nappy etc etc..I then give hima bottle (150ml-200ml) around 9-9:30, fruits and slice of toast etc...I will then take him into bed at 1030 and hope he sleeps for at least 2 hours (he never does, usually sleeps 30-45min max).  Give him lunch around 12:30, afternoon tea at 2:30-3pm, dinner 5-5:30, bath at 6pm, winddown 7pm..into cot by 7:30pm, hope he sleeps by 8-830pm..

The only reason why I choose to give Jett one nap at mid morning now is becos he goes to sleep rather late (doesn't fall asleep til 1030-11:30pm) if he naps mid-arvo.  At the  moment Im using a combo of  pu/pd and gw on jett.  Been so for the past 4 nights..hard work...one step forward..two steps back..but i;m determind.  I can't use the wi/wo method because it doesn't really fit in the situation.

Offline dar

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Re: One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2008, 02:16:18 AM »
Wow, I'm in the same situation.  I have 14 mth old twins.  One is a very free spirited, happy-go-lucky child and is a pretty good sleeper.  My other DD is a horrible sleeper.  She is also a mommy's girl and has some separation anxiety.  She won't fall asleep on her own, only sleeps in her crib for an hour or so before screaming, and now sleeps with me on a mattress on her floor every night.  I've tried to let her cry for a little, but she just gets more worked up.  I've tried wi/wo, but the minute I walk out her screams get louder and end up waking sister.  I don't know what to do anymore, but I miss my bed.  We have a pretty good routine and they seem to do okay with it.  We recently went to one nap a day.

7 - 7:30 Wake and Breakfast
11:00 Lunch
11:30 - 2/2:30 Nap
5:00 Dinner
7:30 Bath
8:00 Sippy and Bed

You'll have to let me know how it goes.  If anyone else has any advice, I'll take it.

Offline Benz

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Re: One and a half year old won't sleep without me
« Reply #5 on: November 24, 2008, 00:13:54 AM »
wow dar..u have ur hands full...lucky one of the twin is a good sleeper!!!

I've been doing g/w for three wks now, going onto 4th...The first weeks was agony..esp on my back beos i had to constantly be half way bent over the cot each night..Jett was hoolding both hands at the time...second in he was only holding one..2wards the end of the second wk i just had one hand on his foot to let him know i was there...
third week on...i either sttod at the end of the cot or sat at the edge of the bed.  LO cried for the first 2 nights for a good hour or two..then i moved away a lil further and he cried even more..i've managed to get to the entrance of the door...its the end of week three and it still takes him a good 1-2 hours b4 he decides to flop down and sleep...once he stopped crying i would walk away (keeping the door open a little).  If he cries i would return after 5seconds still only standing at the door saying "ur ok, mummy and daddy not far, go to sleep" and wait for him to ly back down and settle b4 i walk off again..i keep repeating this for a while (very long process unfortunately esp when he's in the middle of teething)...

How are u going dar and what have u been doing?
Kouros whats been happening?...like to know how ur doing w ur lo...