Using MYSELF as a nap/night-time prop?

[Kimberlina]

I have a moses basket for my 3wo next to my bed. It has been empty for about 2 weeks now...

It all started when my mother (whom has been visiting and helping with the mid-night feeding/sleeping adventures) confided that after I fed him and passed him over to her... that she just lay down with him next to her or on her chest... and that's how she got him to sleep...

EEEK! (at first...) But now I do it too! He sleeps better and longer when he sleeps on my chest... which is now for EVERY nap and through the night (in which he now only wakes once! Hoorah!).

My mother says that "the first 6weeks - 3 months are survival. It doesn't matter what you do, as he won't really remember/begin to see it as a pattern..."

Forum says "begin as you mean to go on..."

My mate Suzanna says about her co-sleeping with her children (up to 6mo old) that "to be a good mother, [she] needed sleep. To get sleep, she needed to co-sleep. Not every night, but most nights."

I'm terrified to put him in his basket, because I don't want to be up and down all through the night getting him back to sleep - I feel I've come so far with just one night waking/feed! Also, with him on my chest, it's very easy and convenient to soothe in the night if he fusses... Lord, do I sound lazy!

Also, my DH has M.E. and cannot be disturbed in the night... (but it seems that we're putting him in the spare room now, so that may not be a problem. I digress...)

Advice?

[~Natalie~]

I always liked Tracy's advice of starting as you mean to go on.  Do you want him to sleep in his cot and be able to put himself to sleep?  These are things that you can work on from the beginning. 

Co-sleeping can be a hard prop to wean and it really limits any time you have for yourself especially if you have to do it through naps as well.  Baby whispering is all about teaching your child independent sleep.  Your LO is still very young and your mom is right to a certain extent and habits can be broken easier at a young age but I would still have a plan in mind work towards that.

Keep in mind that co-sleeping is also dangerous and can lead to smothering because of pillows, sheets or someone rolling over.  I personally never did it because it just made me too nervous, I would never be able to relax and get a good nights sleep.  It really isn't too bad getting out of bed and going to him and it gets better with age. 

[momofjames]

I began the same way. it made my life easier at the time, but now James is almost 11 months old and its just not working anymore. he moves around much more during the night and when he was younger just having pillows between him and the edge of the bed seemed enough to keep him from falling off, plus he always manages to move to the exact center of the bed leaving me just a sliver for myself. basically, between the worry about him falling off the bed and not having enough room for myself on the bed to really get comfprtable I am not sleeping as well as I used to. My advise to you is to try and break this habit the sooner the better. right now its about 5am and I have been up since 2 trying to sleep-train my son to fall back to sleep on his own in his bed because I cant remember the last time I had a good nights sleep. (he fell asleep on his own last night at 9 but then woke up again at 2) at this point I feel like losing sleep for a couple nights will be worth it in the long run.
I am not trying to scare you I just dont want anyone else having to go through this. I read that it is the older the child is, the more difficult it is to get them used to something new like falling asleep in their crib. I hope you can learn from my mistake. no matter the age it will be difficult and there will be crying but you will be happy you did it

[Kimberlina]

Thank you both so much for your replies!

I'm making some slow progress, I think, and have put him down for his nap in his moses basket more often than not the past few days. It's got multiple advantages, I think, as I can have a bit of time for myself, and he gets used to sleeping where he should!

He slept in his basket until his first night time feed last night (1 am) - which is better than nothing! Here's hoping that slow and steady wins the race!

[momofjames]

slow and steady WILL win the race. even sleeping on his own for the first part of the night is a step forward. sometimes you just have to compromise (I did during my sleep training this past weekend. I got him to fall asleep on his own but the compromise is that I have to stay in the room where he can see me until he falls asleep. this is something I can work with.)

[~Natalie~]

I agree.  If you have an idea of what you want then you can slowly work towards it

[bumblemum]

Hi Natalie, I was in exactly the same position with my baby girl. We slept with her until she was about 10 weeks old. I never wanted to co-sleep but resorted to it because she cried if I transferred her to the moses basket.

At about 10 weeks I started attempting to move her into the moses basket after the middle of the night feed because she was so sleepy. It worked. I then did it at the 11pm feed, it worked most of the time. Recently I've managed to get her to sleep at 7pm - in her moses basket.
I was so relieved because I didn't ever want to co-sleep. I personally think you can do it safely but I selfishly wanted to be comfy and take up more room. Plus nobody seems to talk about this but - I'd like to resume a sexlife please!

C

[bumblemum]

Sorry meant to address this to Mrs Wilson!

[*Ali*]

Sounds like you're making progress so well done.
I just wanted to add that a friend of mine co-sleeps with her 1yo and 4yro and her DH. Needless to say there is not much room in that (king size) bed and no sex whatsoever! She didn't want this but went with short term gain (let them get in her bed so she can get back to sleep and not have to sleep train) and is now suffering long term pain. Her 4 yo is now so used to it he is horrified at the thought of sleeping alone. his memory is obviously much longer than a 3wo's. So my advice would be do it now rather than later.
As pps say if you can dedicate a couple weeks to sleep training it will really pay off in the long run.
I also think co-sleeping is dangerous especially with very young babies. Putting a pillow to stop rolling off the bed is very dangerous as the LO could roll his/her face into it and cause suffocation or cot death.
Now DS is older and it's hotter we sometimes let him come in to our bed for a snuggle and an hour's lay in on a Sunday morning so I still get to see him sleeping between DH and I and feel that happy, loving-family glow now and then.
Good luck. And enjoy your new-found you-time.

[Kimberlina]

Thanks ladies, and welcome to the forum, bumblemum!!!

I am totally planning on spending some good quality time sleep training, but have TOTALLY taken a step backwards! My mum is over from America [with her DH and DD ( & DS (6)] and their presence has completely thrown Jack for a loop! He only had 1 2-hr nap today... and we were all so relieved and wanted him to stay asleep that we just let him sleep in my mum's arms until it was time to wake up... which he did at 6, and has only just exhausted himself on my chest again... my exhaustion from him through the day is what prevents me from fighting in my corner for the night time!!!

My plan: SURVIVE until mum leaves on Tuesday. Spend a few days getting routine back on track. THEN devote some time sleep training! He'll be 5/6 weeks then, and it's right around the time I wanted to re-evaluate anyway!

PLEASE send our Jack some SLEEP VIBES sporatically through the next few days! I REALLY NEED IT!

[momofjames]

I TOTALLY get the parents making sleep training difficult thing. I moved back with my parents shortly after I had my DS which is why he was never sleep trained. My dad just could not handle the crying. (he says it was easier to handle when he was younger). I finally got a chance to sleep train him this past week while they were out of town and I cant remember the last time I slept so well.
the sleep training experience is still very fresh in my mind so if you need any support I will still be checking this thread.
for the record, I tried the CIO method for the first two nights but found that he still only fell asleep when I shh/patted during check-ins. so seriously, skip CIO all together, shh/pat combined with pu/pd totally works you just have to be patient.

[Kimberlina]

Lauren, I would be SO greatful for any tips you may have!!! Family are off home on Tuesday so will spend the rest of the week getting our EASY back on track.

So 1 week today, I plan to begin sleep training... and I'll be honest - I'm terrified!!! He'll be 6wks old then... I'm not sure if PU/PD is appropriate yet? I've not read that method in the book yet, as I dismissed it as something for an older baby... But I've renewed my BW books from the library and will get my nose in!

Also, I struggle to get him to sleep FULL STOP... so I'm afraid of trying to regulate something that isn't even happening! Thoughts? Should I concentrate more on getting him to sleep WHEN he's supposed to and then concentrate on the WHERE?

[*Ali*]

PUPD is for babies 4mo and older as it can be too stimulating for younger babies. Shh/pat is the best method for a baby as young as yours.
If he sleeps on his back as recommended you can do the pat on his hip as we do.
We didn't start BW (I didn't know about it) until 3mo and I think it is generally agreed that the older a baby is the harder it is to break habits as they have a longer memory. BUT it is possible at any age.
Good luck.

[momofjames]

I started everything at the same time (putting himself to sleep and doing it at the same time every night) partially because I needed the routine and partially because why do two separate struggles when you can kill two birds with one stone. yeah, I didnt really think about it when I was writing before but james is almost a year old so the pu/pd is appropriate for his age but not really for a baby as young as yours. I actually kept telling myself it would have been so much easier if he wasnt so mobile. at your LOs age its only crying you have to manage but with james it was nearly a screaming wrestling match (not fun). just keep remembering that being patient and staying CALM are the only things that will get you through this. also the cry of a baby that age is to heart wrenching that you have to remind yourself he is not crying because hes hungry or wet and not because hes scared either, its because hes upset that hes not getting what he wants which is to fall asleep in your arms. you are giving him his first lesson in tough love, thats all. and every time you give in you are taking a step backwards and making more work for yourself.
I felt like such a monster not giving James what seemed like such a simple request. "just hold me mommy" is SOOOO difficult to say no to. my montra: "I am not a mean mommy..."

[Kimberlina]

You've totally inspired me, Lauren!! Today is the day it all kicks off!! Wish me luck!!!