Help - so short of sleep affecting marriage

[vickic]

Our DS is 18months and is sleeping through, on average, only 2 nights a week.  On the other nights he wakes at random times (sometimes before midnight, othertimes around 1/2am others 3/4am).  I'm sure we've fallen into the accidental parenting trap as the quickest way to get him back to sleep is with 8oz milk and a cuddle.  If we do that we're all back to sleep within 15mins.  But the constant waking over 1.5 yrs is taking its toll - at work and at home, me and my DH are now constantly arguing - ususally over who has got more sleep!
Last night we decided it had to stop so when DS cried (11pm) we went in, gave brief cuddle till he stopped crying and put him back down.  Tried this twice and within 20mins DS was hysterical - so we caved, with milk and (even worse i suppose) as he wouldnt settle even after milk he was so upset - brought him in with us.  I felt like a terrible mother - neglecting her baby when he was upset and was worried about destroying his trust.
Can you help? We really need to get him to sleep through more...
here is his typical day:-
6.15am wakes
6.30 1-2oz milk
6.45 up and playing
7.15 breakfast
10.00 snack and drink
12.00 lunch
12.40 nap
2.45 up and playing
3.15 snack and drink
5.30 tea time
6.45 bath
7.15 8oz milk
7.30 bed.

[koe2moe]

i can totally relate!!  In face we only just weaned off the night bottle about 1 mo or 6 weeks ago?  I can't remember but I can check if you want.  DS is now starting NWs due to canines.  But that's another story.

What I want to share is that it's very doable to wean it when you are sure that your DS isn't unwell and he didn't need the feed.  We had to keep feeding because he's been on/off ill for 6 months.  I did wi/wo and weaned it off.  The first night was rough, really rough.  For us, the key is that I kept going in to tell him it's sleepy time.  Once he started crying again, I went in.  Eventually he would go to sleep.  It might take an hour.  Choose a weekend that Dh and you can support each other.  Say you do the wi/wo and you get to have a nap the next day.  One weekend, you will be done. 

I'm assuming that DS is sleep-trained, right?  AND you have to be consistent, caving in half way is worse than not starting at all.  So talk to DH and pick a time.  DS will also be sleeping way better after the bottle is weaned.  good luck!!  hugzzzzz

[vickic]

Its good to know I am not alone!  Thanks for replying - sounds like next weekend might be the best time for us - just need to grit our teeth. Yes - DS can get to sleep on his own - its just mummy and daddy that need help learning!!!
 

[koe2moe]

just have a game plan and stick with it.  i believe consistency is the key and once you can do it, it will be so much easier the following time.    best of luck and keep us posted!!

[miasmum79]

Hi. Sorry I ve no adv, but just sending u some hugs. Lo is 21 and has never slept thro consistently- ever!! I know how u must feel. We have our designated nights when one of us escapes to the other room and has a lie in. Helps until the sleep issue gets sorted. Best of luck