Author Topic: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2  (Read 129717 times)

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Offline *Liz*

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Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« on: July 21, 2010, 06:34:31 am »
We have decided to restart this thread to return it to its intention - which is to provide somewhere for Mums following EASY and BWer techniques with more challenging touchy babies to discuss issues relating to this and find solutions and support amongst Mums with similar difficulties.


Please have a read of this before continuing.

How to use this Support thread
(most of this 'entry' is borrowed from the "Birth Club Rules of the Road" and modified - Thx to the Site Admin Team for composing it)

Many of our members have found it beneficial to talk with other parents who have Touchy Babies.  The support thread is intended to be a place to discuss with, help and support fellow parents who are dealing with similar milestones, trials and tribulations.  It is wonderful to have that company and a shoulder to lean on.  In order to keep the thread open and inviting to all parents, the thread will continually be locked after 30 pages and restarted.

We do request that the topic is kept to issues surrounding raising touchy babies. Please use the appropriate birth clubs for more general chatter.

The role of the moderators is to review the support thread to ensure content is appropriate for the site, provide support to members, and help guide members to the main EASY board or other forum boards for additional help when issues arise that would benefit from their own thread & "airtime".  Examples might be sleeping or settling problems with their babies.  On the EASY main board and in other forums members often receive larger ranges of answers and support and other members benefit from hearing about others' problems and how they were solved, without having to wade through lots of pages of daily "chit-chat".

A gentle reminder may be posted by a moderator to encourage you to post on the main EASY board or another forum board if they feel your question could be better answered by the larger community.  We urge you to follow through and post elsewhere, as you will see more support and advice from more experienced members.  Please feel free to post a link in this thread so that others can chime in with support as well.  If you choose to leave your post here, it will likely be split from the thread and moved to the appropriate forum by a moderator.

We also hope that you share your experiences throughout the community.  Even if you are a new parent, you can offer support and hugs to another.  We all started out as the new parent on the boards without the experience.  We all learn from each other and your advice and support is valuable to us all.  Please do not feel like you do not know enough information to post or that your input is not valuable - we are all parents who want the best for our babies, and we all have something unique to add to the boards.

Thanks folks.

Offline anielasmommy

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #1 on: July 21, 2010, 11:37:19 am »
ok thanks Liz
Kami


Offline anielasmommy

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #2 on: July 21, 2010, 12:29:44 pm »
Kami


Offline JPJ

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #3 on: September 02, 2010, 01:58:57 am »
I have a 6 month old daughter (my third child) who is "touchy" - reflux, allergic to cow based formula.
After putting her on EASY three weeks ago, she is now taking a 2 hour morning nap, and is taking a shorter nap in the afternoon, settling at 7:30 for the night, very easily in her crib.  I am feeding her at 11:00 (dream feed) but she is still waking at 1:00 and 4:00.  She started solids at 4 months per my Pediatrician, and is having cereal in the morning with fruit, two veggies at lunch and cereal in the evening.  I primarily breast feed, as I  have taking dairy out of my diet.  When I do supplement, I use Nutramigen - generally a 6 oz bottle once a day.  She nurnses at 7 am, 11 am, 3 pm, 7pm and then at 11:00 pm.  (But I am also feeding her when she wakes in the night, as I have 2 other children who are back at school, and a very busy husband.  I can not leave her to cry/ pu/pd in the middle of the night.)
Any suggestions?  Would anyone recommend giving the formula feed at the 11 pm, to see if it would tied her over?  Help- I am tired!

Offline Kiwi_one

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #4 on: September 07, 2010, 08:55:09 am »
Hi there :) Welcome to BW.

This thread is really for discussion of issues around babies being touchy (e.g. advice on winddown routines, blacking out bedrooms, the most effective white-noise), rather than for going over your EASY, so I'd really recommend posting on one of the main boards so you can get more advice on it. You could try the EASY board or one of the feeding boards.

In the meantime, I would hazard a guess that the night-wakings are habitual, since they're at the same time each night; hunger wakings tend to be random. By 6 months, pretty much all babies (even refluxers, if medicated and drinking well) should be able to go 8 hours without a feed, particularly if they're having solids three times a day! If it's a habitual waking and she's not hungry, giving formula at the dreamfeed would most likely not stop her waking. I think you'll have to bite the bullet and sort out the night-wakings head-on. Wake-to-sleep is a technique that might work, as it can stop them waking up at their regular time; there's a thread on it here http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0. Otherwise (or if W2S doesn't solve the problem), you could try cutting down the length of time you feed for at night feeds bit-by-bit, to wean her off the calories at night, working towards dropping the night feeds altogether within a week or two. Seeing as it's taken so little time to get her into a routine, she should handle the change well and hopefully it won't involve any crying and waking others up :) Here are a couple more threads on weaning off night-feeds: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=87815.0 and http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=46907.0.
« Last Edit: September 07, 2010, 09:09:38 am by Kiwi_one »
Homeschooling mum to Philomena (6) - spirited/sanguine     Bernadette (4) - textbook/melancholic-plegmatic     Zelie (3) - textbook/phlegmatic     Rita (2) - textbook/choleric

...and then there were five!


Offline 1elyk

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #5 on: September 10, 2010, 13:25:12 pm »
Hi there sorry I am really new to this site was recommended by a freiend that I might get some help.

Short story I have a 16 months old daughter who pretty much crys extremly loudly the whole time she is awake, she naps great and now sleeps great (which was a long process in itself) but whenever she is awake she cries, she is very serious, grumpy she frowns a lot, she hardly smiles  and she is moany, she tells me no, no, no all the time and I am struggling with my unhappy baby cos its making me unhappy.

Its not just something thats happened shes always been like this, she had reflux, but now thats gone she is still unhappy.

Any advise where to post this would help thanks x
« Last Edit: September 10, 2010, 13:26:57 pm by 1elyk »

tigerlilly905

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #6 on: October 11, 2010, 20:50:49 pm »
Hey Touchy Mamas

I need your help/advice/hugs... do you mind taking a peak at my post.. any advice is appreciated!!

http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=179768.msg2041001#msg2041001

Cheers!  Rebecca

Offline Nitha

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #7 on: November 19, 2010, 15:39:50 pm »
Does anyone have a touchy baby/spirited toddler combo?  If so any advice would be much appreciated over here!  I'm just exhausted!

Offline Jiinx

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2010, 18:10:08 pm »
hi there Nitha!

Oh my. Touchy AND spirited? You've got your hands full, I'm sure.

Is your lo a toddler? Maybe you'll find more luck here:
* http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=174841.0

It's a bit more busy than it is here....
*Sarah*





Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2011, 18:54:06 pm »
Hi everyone!
It's my first time in Touchy Baby Support!  Looks like I should stop by more often :)  I have a thread going in the Activity forum, any touchy baby related advice I can get would be great
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=185612.0

Offline madirose

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #10 on: February 28, 2011, 22:30:51 pm »
Hi All,

I'm new here - and looking for some help :)  My little girl is 7 months old this week, and she's a textbook spirited baby with a definite touchy streak.

The problem we're having is clinginess with me. It started @ 4months, and now she cries if granparents approach her, and my hubby even gets tears if she can't see me in the evenings. She cries through her bedtime routine and is inconsoloable with him if he soothes her at night. She gets progressively clingy and cranky throughout the day. We're on a typical 4 hr easy and she just dropped the CN (although more sleep doesn't help anyways...)

Just looking for ideas to help her be more comfortable with other people, and for hubby to be able to do the bedtime routine without her melting down. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

tigerlilly905

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #11 on: February 28, 2011, 23:41:25 pm »
Hi Madirose :)  Yup, that's DS to a "T"... since about 6-8 wks he's had trouble adjusting to most people. TBH it seemed like he had SA from that point on. We have to take everything new VERY slow and consistant, and even still, he has quite a bit of SA.

What I can say is that it does get better. Like your DD, I was THE ONLY one who could do bedtime/sleep ect. (and even now if he's teething or really upset I'm the only one who can still do those special times) But what we did to help get him used to DH doing winddowns for sleep was to start with naps (he's more receptive to change at that time...)  Would it be possible for your DH to help starting with naps (if he's home at that time some days?)  and then maybe progressing to bedtime?  As you said, most touchies get more sensitive as the day goes on, so maybe the morning nap would be the best place to start?

As far as helping her be more comfortable with other people, she NEEDS to feel secure, so making them go "cold turkey" can only make it worse.  I'd suggest morning visits (again when they're usually "less" touchy) and maybe ask people to come to you (to an environment she's used to) as opposed to you having to go to an unfamiliar place to her AND having her be with "strangers", kwim?  Also, ask guests to give her time and space.  All babies need some time to acclimate themselves (but touchies take LOTS of time)  People have to have respect for babies, and I know it's hard b/c many won't understand. They might say things like you're "making" her be clingy, when in actual fact, you're just respecting who she is as a person.  So even if you do have guests come to the house, ask them not to grab/touch/get in her personal space right away.

We started bringing DS to a reading group at the library at 10 months (at a time that didn't interfere with his EASY/naps)  and it took him a good 3 weeks to actually enjoy it, but it did get there. Time and patience is key for sure.

It will get better, I promise.  But like I said, DS is 11 months and it's still a huge challange. He's a wonderfully happy boy, but needs his security, routine, comfort ect.  Just remember your DD doesn't have a voice right now, and needs you to advocate and be that voice for her. If she's uncomfortable, scared, ect. she needs you to tell people that so she has her time to adjust. 

Hope that helps a little. ((hugs))

Offline madirose

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #12 on: March 01, 2011, 14:30:51 pm »
Thanks for the reply and encouragement, Tigerlilly.

You're right on with a lot of that stuff for her, too. Lately we've asked Grandma to not be so "enthusiastic" right when she arrives, but rather to give LO some time to warm up. I do encourage her to go to other ppl, but never 'force' her when she's clearly overwhelmed. I do work a couple of hours per week and have to leave her, so Grandma just puts her in the stroller and takes her for walks the whole 2 hours I'm gone, which is the only way to really keep her content. Her Dad is able to put her down for naps (on the weekends), which is an exciting step. I think that the problem with bedtime is just that its "meltdown" time.

LO is a funny combination, because she is also really spirited. She loves checking out new places, and even watching new people. She actually prefers complete strangers to her grandparents, because strangers usually keep their distance and never try to pick her up! She's a happy little camper when she's tucked in her stroller checking out the world around her, or attached securely to me (carrier, sling or just holding on really tight!)

I kept hoping that more naps would help, but as her EASY has solidified her naps have increased from 20min to a good hour or hour and 15 min most times, and she does wake happy and rested. She has just dropped the CN for about 10days now, but it hasn't affected her mood either way.

I'm thinking that introducing a stuffed animal may be a good idea - any experience with this? I'm hoping it will be a comfort object when she does start to get some distance from me. She sleeps with a soother, but I'd rather not use it during the day. Right now we offer it starting at dinner time if she's having a rough day since that last hour before bedtime can be hard for her.

Guess I'll just keep going with what we've been doing, and hope she outgrows this quickly...

Offline MommaBrooke

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #13 on: March 01, 2011, 17:39:05 pm »
Hi madirose!

From what I've read separation anxiety is definitely normal between 6-9 months, and I feel like my touchy LO has had it from day one, lol!  My husband cannot calm DD at night at all either (honestly, it took 2-3 months before they even were able to get a good father daughter bond).  So, we've just kinda split all of our duties, I do most of the feedings and comforting and bedtimes, and DH does the playtime when he is home.  We started having DH give her her bath at night, but she's teething and started getting upset during her bath, so I started doing the bath again...we worked in a bit of daddy time between bath and bottle for DH to sit and read with her, or just chat since he is now missing out on bath time.

I think you should definitely prepare yourself for the possibility that she may not outgrow this.  At least that's what we are trying to do :)  DH now understands DD a lot better, so we've taken on the team approach with relatives.  He will lay down the law at any of his family functions, and I do the same with my family.  Luckily I was a very touchy baby, so I have support from my own mom.  However, our LO is the first really touchy baby in my husband's family, so it's been a little more difficult for him.  His mom is taking DD's stranger anxiety very personally, almost like she thinks its intentional, that we created it, or that our baby intentionally does it to make grandma upset (weird, I know).  DD is also very observant, and loves to look at everything, but as soon as people get too close she gets upset, so we have a bunch of things that we've started doing to make things easier for our LO.  We started taking her to a quiet room as soon as we get to a gathering with a lot of people, we take her out of her car seat in the quiet room, and then slowly start bringing her out to the action.  Other people can hold her, once she gets used to the noise, movement, etc.  BUT, we always have them hold her with her back against their chest, not over the shoulder or cradled, that way she can see us and all the things that are going on that she really wants to see.  We also gave DD a blankie.  We just used one of her cotton receiving blankets (we have two of the same pattern, so we always have a backup in case one needs to be washed, lol).  I think introducing a lovey will help your little one.  We pull her out of the action if she starts to get fussy, and we go do something that she likes to do at home (we've started bringing her jolly jumper around to every house we visit, lol).  Once DD gets older we fully intend to bring some toys and books to strange houses and set up a safe place for her to escape to where she won't be bothered if she gets overwhelmed (not sure how this will go over with the in laws, hopefully they will just learn to accept her personality and not try to turn her into something she is not).  Hopefully you can figure out some things that will help your LO, remember that you are her best advocate, and things may get better once you can start educating people on her signals, and what she likes (I find it amazing that all these women who have had babies will completely ignore my LO's actions and signals and just do what they want to do with her, so I've just started telling them what everything means!  I am also not opposed to telling family members that my baby is not a doll, toy or dog, and that she is actually a person, lol)

Keep up the good work!

P.S.  I think people forget that at this point everyone but mom, dad and siblings are strangers...which means that even grandparents are strangers when babies are young.  It just takes time, and lots and lots of time for some babies to get used to even grandma and grandpa.  Personally, I'd rather have a child that is weary of strangers, even if that means grandma gets a little offended at first :)

tigerlilly905

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Re: Support thread for raising touchy babies - part 2
« Reply #14 on: March 01, 2011, 19:46:08 pm »
Brooke, you make some awesome points as well :) It's true, I think some touchies will change/ grow into their own a little, but you're right, I believe most will be like this their whole lives.  It's just our job to help them along the way ;)

Also, agreed re: touchies seeming to have SA since birth.. I really think that's a touchy trait.  DS was the same. They're just so sensitive to energies/ people ect. 

Madirose, I think introducing a lovey is a great idea.  We started around 9 mos I think... by putting his bear in his crib with him for naps/bedtime and saying "here's your bear, he will stay with you while you sleep", and also we include him when we read stories before sleep and cuddles.  It took him a while to take to it, but he loves him now.  :)