At the end of my rope

[Jens_01]

Ladies I need some help and advice.

My lo will be 1 in less than a week. She is still waking to feed once at night which I want to eliminate. However she is still waking multiple times a night outside of that. She uses a pacifier and many times it just needs to be replugged. She refuses to do this, we have tried every bit of advice given from this forum. She will put it in if I give it to her, but will not look for it. She just cries and flails about till someone gives it to her.

She is currently teething (same 2 teeth for a month now, which have yet to actually come out), but this has been going on since birth. Her napping in general is crap too, only 1 hr and a 25 min CN, the longer one also often has multiple wakings. Here's a general schedule (somewhat idealized). She also has been getting up too early and then needing to nap earlier, but not longer.

4:00 am - nurse
7 - nurse and up for the day
9:30/10 - breakfast
11:30/12 - nap (has been wanting to nap and falling asleep around 11 for a while)
12:30-1:30 - lunch
3/3:30 - nap (25 min)
3:30-4 - nurse
5:30/6 - dinner
7 - bath and nurse

Snacks as wanted

I'm so exhausted from a year of this I'm considering CIO and I do not want to do that.

[becj86]

What happens if you do put her down for a nap at 11 instead of 11:30? Does she sleep a more solid or longer nap?

I wonder if maybe you need to push the A time further and try for one nap?

Does she go to sleep independently?

[Jens_01]

She went a stretch of 2+ hr naps a week or so ago but is back to 1-1:15 min naps regardless of when she goes down. I've tried going one nap, and it does happen occasionally when she refuses a second nap. I the. Put her down 30-60 min early depending on how grouchy she gets. She often falls asleep on the boob but I wake her when I put her down. She sometimes requires patting to fall asleep. She seems able to put herself back since she can go stretches of hours without waking me, but will not locate the pacifier. For months I've been putting it into her hand in the hopes that she will eventually get the drift and find them. NOPE. She even has a sleepy tot to make finding one easier. Still nothing. I have had sporadic success with shhhhing without physical contact, but mostly not.

[becj86]

Have you read this: 10/11 month old sleep gone wonky? Read this first!

Independent sleep definitely seems to be your issue still. The paci is not working - does she settle immediately when you give it to her? Are you saying anything when you go in to her?

[Jens_01]

How do I get her to sleep independently at this point. Most of the time as soon as her pacifier is back in she goes to sleep. However there are times when she still needs patting or to be held down.

Last night was horrendous. She was up 8 times between 10:30 and 1:00. She went down finally after a feed from 1:30-4:30. Then a feed like normal but she took till 6 to go back to sleep. Then she was up by 7. We are both exhausted but she still won't sleep even with rocking and cuddling. I don't know what to do.

How would I get her to sleep independently.

[becj86]

Basic description of gradual withdrawal is here: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE) I'd go with that since she's not been an independent sleeper before.

[Jens_01]

I read that post recently and have been trying to implement it. Hopefully things change soon. Cannot do many more nights with less than 3 hrs sleep.

[becj86]

I think at this point, you probably need to wean the dummy. I will ask though, if anyone else has been there with a dummy prop at this age - its clearly a prop and you've worked on getting her to find it for months now with no success.

[*Kara*]

Stupid question: have you left her with 6 paci's in her crib?  I used to leave one in each corner of DD's crib, plus the one in her mouth...

[Jens_01]

9!!! Lol

[Truly Blessed]

Was just about to say the same, I did up to 10! LOL 

x.

[becj86]

Ok, so a few more thoughts/questions for you:

When are you going in? Is she crying her 'I need you' cry at that point? Does she just need more time to look for it? Does she know you're coming in straight away and not bother looking?

Have you tried sitting by her bed and talking her through finding and plugging the dummy instead of putting it in her hand? How about talking to her before bed about looking for her dummy if she wakes?

Can she actually see in her room at night - night light or some such so she can see the dummy?

[Jens_01]

There is a night light in her room next to her bed so she has some light by which to find one.

I've tried talking her through it, she just flails her arms and screams bloody murder and makes no attempt to find one.

Ill be honest and say that I'm not confident about the different cries. I know that if I let her cry she works herself up significantly almost to hysterics even with patting at times. I think it starts off with general fussing cries but she quickly escalates to frenzy.

[becj86]

I've tried talking her through it, she just flails her arms and screams bloody murder and makes no attempt to find one.

See, with this, if you're talking her through it, you need her to be as calm as possible when you start that, so doing it at bedtime first, then going in as soon as you hear her fussing at night. No point trying to talk to a kid in hysterics, IMHO.

Does she escalate when you go in?

[Truly Blessed]

Have you considered a cot tidy where you can put lots of them in a pocket inside the cot, something like this:

http://www.mothercare.com/cot-tidy/nursery_essentials_cottidy,default,sc.html

x.