Attention span and play

[Chloevalentine]

So my lo who will be 3 end of June has never been interested in many toys or pretend play which was always difficult. But what really is a struggle is his attention span. For instance.. At my moms house today he literally goes from one thing to the next so fast not stopping to fo one thing for longer than a few mins.  So he's outside playing in sandbox it lasts a few mins then he's by the watering cans abd hell water for a few mins then he's back in the house in the sink with the soap for a few mins then he goes upstairs and back down. It's exhausting and I can't get him to stay interested long enough in anything !!!

[jessmum46]

I'd say that's pretty normal for a not-quite 3 year old!

[Buntybear]

Oh yes - I was saying the same thing abut Olly at that age!

I found limiting the number of toys available helped. So not having everything out for him to flit around, just having one or toy and then he would have to concentrate more on them!

[cath~]

ITA with PPs - does sound very normal for lots of/most LOs at that age.

I was going to suggest this too:

I found limiting the number of toys available helped.

Some things that my DD could do for longer periods were activities like water/sand play, play dough, painting, digging, making mud pies/potions...  Anything else was very short-lived!

[Chloevalentine]

Good to know I'm not alone but that being said that isn't even with any toys around. That's just how he acts at his Nanis where there aren't many toys. That's actually another thing that I can't figure out. Is that he doesn't play with any toys or pretend play!

[Lolly]

Good to know I'm not alone but that being said that isn't even with any toys around. That's just how he acts at his Nanis where there aren't many toys. That's actually another thing that I can't figure out. Is that he doesn't play with any toys or pretend play!

Do you and Nani play with him? Children don't just know how to play with toys, they need to have it modelled for them, they need you to play with them to teach them how to play.

If Nani doesn't have many toys that could be why he's so busy, he's exploring the space he doesn't spend all his time in. We bought a sand and water tray for my Mum's house and that was a firm favourite when they were toddlers but my Mum also spent a lot of time there with them. When they went wandering someone went with them and engaged them in gardening or whatever, but mostly with that adult interaction explaining and showing and getting them to do things.

He's still young for pretend play, mine certainly couldn't do it alone at this age. DS had a toy kitchen that was set up near our kitchen. He only really played with it when I was in the kitchen cooking. I would give his scraps of the food I was preparing and he would cook along with me while I described what I was doing and encouraged him to do the same with his toy pans.

DD was more able to pretend play at an earlier age, but she had a big brother to learn from and her concentration skills were far better than DS's ever were (or are now for that matter )

Do you take him to any play groups or mother and toddler groups? If not, it may be worth looking into so he can learn from others and have a variety of toys and activities to try and you can see that his behaviour is quite normal for his age!

Laura

[Chloevalentine]

Thanks for your reply. Yes of course we play and Nani does have some fun things but it's like he just can't focus on one thing for more than s few mins before he's off to the next and he's very active and won't stop for a break or to even sit down for a min so either do I! Lol. Just thought maybe there was a way to help him learn to play or to focus got longer periods on a toy etc. with a baby coming soon I'm not going  to be able to constantly supervise play in the sink or have him cooking with me. Need for him to be a bit more independent without use of tv. Yes we do go to a gym play class but nothing that's sit down.

[Katet]

Is that he doesn't play with any toys or pretend play!

My boys rarely did pretend play & only with lots of prompting & toys were limited in use (except maybe for train sets) here. They just always wanted to be outside running climbing & often playing with balls or water, but toys never kept their interest.

 

Need for him to be a bit more independent without use of tv.

I hoped to be like that with DS1 when DS2 was born, sadly it didn't work out that way & I just ended up doing what kept me sane, which was to let him watch TV when I had to do something... DS1 is almost 13 & no couch potato or TV head, infact he's better with limiting screen time than his brother who got far less TV, DS1 who would have sat for 2 hours straight at 2yo watching TV, now will only do that if he's watching a Movie (he wants to see) or a sports game, most of the daylight hours he pretty physically active... he does average 8-20 hours (depending on season) in sports training & matches. I do think it's important not to look at a micromoment of time with a baby & see it as expanding into their whole life. The first few months with a newborn are very different to 6months plus... so yes maybe you will struggle with how to occupy him in the first 3 months, but it's a journey not a day in isolation & I can tell you from a child who possibly could have been reported to child services he watched so much TV when DS2 was a baby... I don't think it had long lasting issues if being "School all-rounder" for being the top in Academics, Sport, Arts (not so much LOL), Behaviour & Leadership

This is kind of my favourite story at the moment. The other week a parent I know was complaining about time & getting children to do things... "I don't like them hanging out washing as they do such a sloppy job" & I said so did mine 2 years ago, but I had a plan... first month say nothing just fix up the socks that are still scrunched up etc... then offer one suggestion, work on that... then new suggestion... well along the way 2 things, I worked out that DS1 had a better pattern for hanging out than me & 2 now they do it pretty much to perfection!  To me it's sometimes we have to take a few big steps backwards in parenting & do things we struggle with to gain long term ground... if the only thing that is guaranteed to work short term is TV then short term it may be the best option, but the long term goal is that as the baby is less demanding etc you can work to change that habit.  Also developmentally as he finds things he's interested in he will focus for longer or maybe he will just be that child who doesn't because of the way his brain is wired, but it will come eventually at some level or other, until then it's about baby steps.

[weaver]

Just thought maybe there was a way to help him learn to play or to focus got longer periods on a toy

no I don't think so but maybe you can rethink your ideas about supervision - do you really need to follow him around all the time? Have a look at the space he's in and what he's doing.  Independence is good for him  and good for you if you can let him use it   Reframe what you're saying a bit - he's not 'got no attention span', he's engaging in self-directed play.  He is telling you that he doesn't need you or anyone else to entertain him. That's awesome!  You need to work with that, if it's his nature to be on the move and looking at stuff, you are unlikely to change it, and it'd be a shame if you did.

When LOs were that small, I tended to set up the sitting room with a couple of different 'play centres' (ie colours and paper on a low table, books elsewhere, bricks or cars in another corner, soft balls and a basket etc etc) and put the play kitchen in the kitchen, set up a cupboard so they could explore in there, and let they roam about.  They both liked ride on toys indoors too!  If I were doing it again now, I would add in fort building stuff and treasure boxes.  It's best not to have too many activities laid on, just a few different choices which he will probably ignore and take all the cushions off the sofa to build a house. That's cool too.  A low coffee table or two is a godsend as LO can reach things without you and you can move them about (and so can he) and make the place look different every other day.  We also always made a point of getting out the door in the morning to get some air, go to the park, the shop wherever we needed to be.   We would do a maximum of one organised activity a day (baking, crafts) but that was occasional really.  Both LOs loved nothing more than going round the house 'helping' me, that's a great one for this age.

My LO1 was 2 yo and 1 m when LO2 was born, we didn't have a TV and we still don't (ages 6 and very nearly 4). There is no inevitability about using a TV because you have a new baby (or at any other time).  You will do what works for you and your family but if you don't want him sitting in front of the box, then stick with it and see how it pans out.  You might be pleasantly surprised. 

PS this is a great article - as an aside it's good to think about the kind of toys you have - are they active or passive toys? If they are 'active' toys, he might not be interested, he's not a passive child by the sounds of it, so they would turn him off.
http://www.mamanatural.com/how-to-raise-a-low-media-child/