Author Topic: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?  (Read 2979 times)

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Offline proudpapa415

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Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« on: March 23, 2017, 04:51:33 am »
Hi everyone, I stumbled upon this forum and can't be more grateful for the wealth of knowledge here. Our little girl is 6 weeks old and has been a fairly difficult sleeper. She naps maybe 1-2 hrs max during the day and if were lucky, she'll get 1.5 hrs of sleep at night before she awakens.

We just tried doing the 4 S's and after "sitting" and she starts falling asleep, we put her down in her Rock N Play, say "I love you, good night" and then put her down when her eyes are still open and walk out the room. She usually falls asleep, but then starts crying around 5-10 mins later. We go in and pat/shush her by patting her arm (she's swaddled in a Love To Dream swaddle) since the Rock N Play isn't conducive to back patting and i loudly shush her. She usually falls back asleep in about 1 minute, when i see her shut her eyes, i continue this combination for another 30 secs or so, then i stop patting and only shush for about another 45 seconds to a minute, then we leave the room and pray to the heavens that she doesn't wake up for at least a hour. Sure enough, she wakes up about 15 mins later, repeat.

My wife and I just started doing this today, she's a skeptic, I want to give it a good 2 weeks. Does everything that i mentioned sound correct? I'd hate to be doing this incorrectly for 2 weeks. Lastly, do we continue doing this non-stop and if she gets hungry/has a dirty diaper, change, then repeat? Or is there a point where we throw in the towel for that session?

Sam

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #1 on: March 23, 2017, 10:46:46 am »
Hello and welcome to BW forums :)

What you are doing sounds great but you might also have more success if you spend a bit longer with your baby.  She is still very young and this is a great age to start sleep training but also at this age we need to remember it is a gradual and gentle process which takes time (and actually can take quite a lot of work too!).  Here's a link which may help:
Shush-pat - How to
Now I want to add to that a few things. If your LO is regularly falling to sleep alone, calmly, after you leave the room, if you like you can continue to do this, leave the room let her nod off (as it is a skill and shows confidence to nod off alone), but then go back in to help her with what follows.  Many times parents stop the shush/pat too soon and discover baby wakes some times between 5-20 mins into the nap, this is because she has not yet reached the deep sleep phase.  It can take 20 mins to reach deep sleep after nodding off which means you can be shush/patting for 40 mins (20 mins of WD, the seven mile stare, the eyes nodding, then 20 mins into the sleep until deep sleep).
I'll add too, you do not have to pat on the back, how about patting her hip/nappy area, this can feel quite reassuring and firm to LO.

Here is another link which has a description of pressure through the jolts towards the end of the post (we often call this HTTJ here Holding Through The Jolts) and you might find this useful, your LO is likely jolting awake when she wakes at 5 mins.
How do I address habitual wakings? (wake-to-sleep and other methods)

This might be helpful:
SLEEP FACTS
and this
Starting EASY - all you need to know and more!
(there is a sleep training for new borns and infants in there near the bottom)

Lastly, do we continue doing this non-stop and if she gets hungry/has a dirty diaper, change, then repeat? Or is there a point where we throw in the towel for that session?
It kind of depends on how things are going really.  We often say here that if baby isn't sleeping after 45 mins of shush/pat then get her up have a little A time, feed a little earlier if needed (a baby who is awake can need feeding earlier due to using more calories) followed by a little A time then try again for a nap.  Obviously if you feel your baby is right on the verge of nodding off at 45 mins you wouldn't then disturb her but would perhaps try a bit longer and let her sleep if she does manage to nap.

Activity times are short at this age so you'd be aiming to have her asleep by 1hr 15 mins.  This includes all activity of being awake including eating and nappy change and the wind down.

hope this helps some. Do let us know if you have more questions. And we'd love to hear how you get on.


Offline proudpapa415

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #2 on: March 23, 2017, 18:48:29 pm »
Thanks for the feedback! My wife and I have these additional questions:

Do we continue doing the 4 s's in the middle of the night too? Or do we just do usual soothing such as rocking, light swinging till they sleep or do shush/pat? This is right after they wake up to feed or need a diaper change.

The idea of shush pat 20-40 mins each time she wakes, especially in the middle of the night seems difficult, but we'll try anything. Can we just either shush or just pat after she falls asleep or would you recommend doing both still? We sometimes stop patting when she nods off and just shush her.

In regards to 1 hr 15 mins of wake time before trying to get her to nap, should we out her on a schedule and if so, is it too early at 6 weeks to do? If she is a short napper, continually waking, how do we account for that? It would seemingly yield a lot of naps.

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #3 on: March 25, 2017, 09:07:21 am »
Do we continue doing the 4 s's in the middle of the night too? Or do we just do usual soothing such as rocking, light swinging till they sleep or do shush/pat? This is right after they wake up to feed or need a diaper change.
No. In the middle of the night you can put baby right back down to sleep as soon as you have finished the feed or nappy change - if LO will agree that is.  If not then you do as needed to help sooth, just as you describe.  Shush/pat in cot if possible, if not possible then lift up into arms to help sooth and putting down as soon as possible to continue shush/pat in the cot. Then reduce reduce.

The idea of shush pat 20-40 mins each time she wakes, especially in the middle of the night seems difficult, but we'll try anything. Can we just either shush or just pat after she falls asleep or would you recommend doing both still? We sometimes stop patting when she nods off and just shush her.
Ideally you reduce both whenever you can however in the early days it does help LO if you continue into the deep sleep phase, this is to prevent that jolt awake at say 5 mins like you were seeing.  It is fine to reduce/stop one or the other but if you get that jolting awake again you will know it is not really working.
If you like you can also consider introducing white noise (or pink noise or brown noise...there are various "noises" available to buy or download) which replaces teh shush and reduces you job.  White noise is not considered a prop as it can be left on all night/nap and does not require parental input beyond turning it on.  if you are interested in this look for sounds which last longer than 45 mins (you don't want it to stop at the transition) or play on repeat.
Also, I realise spending so much time in the night doesn't fill you with joy!  Ask yourself what the alternatives are, if it is co-sleeping or sleeping in arms how long can you continue to do that for? It's so easy to hold a 6wk old in arms for a sleep but yk when they are 8 months, 12 months...they are heavy and the constant sitting holding throughout naps in the same position for several hours per day can cause back pain or RSI in the arms etc.  It's something that kind of creeps up on you.
Your LO is still very young and will need help with sleep, if you find yourself slipping into a bit of rocking in the middle of the night don't beat yourself up about it, you can find a balance between getting the best amount/quality of rest for yourselves and gentle sleep training.

In regards to 1 hr 15 mins of wake time before trying to get her to nap, should we out her on a schedule and if so, is it too early at 6 weeks to do?
Schedulers tend to be set times and forcing baby to fit into those. Here we tend to use the word "routine" rather than "schedule" as the routine is flexible and allows for LOs individual needs. Every baby is different and although we have guidance times and such we do not expect every baby to fit into a one size fits all "schedule" as some other parenting methods do.
6 wks is not too early to begin a gentle routine.  My own DS I began with very gentle sleep training from day 1 with a wind down song (always the same song - for several years!), a lovey (muslin square by his face every time he was held and feed and cuddle and during the wind down to build comfort association), and attempting to put down for almost every nap (we did not manage every nap but as I say it was slow and gentle). At 4-5 wks I discovered BW and over that week gently moved towards the EASY routine.  At around 8 weeks my DS was falling to sleep independently for most of his sleeps.  Yes over the last 6 years we have had plenty of times he has needed additional help and sometimes he's been up half the night (reflux pain, teething, illness, developmental leaps) but at the end of these difficulties his ability to self sooth is still there.
So, no, 6wks is not too early, but throughout all of this you will be responding to your LO, you will not leave her alone to cry, you will be supporting her.

If she is a short napper, continually waking, how do we account for that? It would seemingly yield a lot of naps.
There are a few reasons for short naps. The main ones at this point are either that LO has not learned to self sooth and to transition from one sleep cycle to the next (gentle sleep training will help this) or that she is OT (over tired) or UT (under tried), or some sort of pain (gas).
Yes there will be a lot of naps - LOs sleep more than they are awake at this point.
Typical Amounts of Day and Night Sleep
If you find the number of naps is too restrictive because you'd like to get out and about to visit people, get to the shops, go to a baby group etc then you can decide to have a certain number of naps at home in the cot sleep training and a certain number of naps out and about in the pram/sling/car seat.  My suggestion would be to keep the routine as consistent as possible as babies build habits and the more consistent you are then more she will be and you will all find it easier to get into a suitable routine. For instance, if you choose to always do nap 1 of the day at home then really do try to preserve this every day rather than chopping and changing.  You might decide for instance nap 1 at home, nap 2 on the way to a baby group or the shops (so in car/pram) and nap 3 on the way home, then nap 4 at home in the cot.

There are some sample routines here if you'd like to see what others have done:
Sample EASY Routines from 0 - 13mths+


Offline Kpop

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #4 on: March 27, 2017, 15:46:45 pm »
SO I am new to this forum as well  ( i magically stumble upon it and love it!).  we tried easy at 4-6 weeks and we found she was just too "around the clock," eating and sleeping every 2-3 hours and so we temporarily gave up and let her sleep in her rock n play, in peoples arms etc.  we restarted easy at 9 weeks and my LO is 12 weeks old and it is going SO MUCH better and much easier- not easy though!  i know every baby is different and I am a new/ first time mom- so definitely not an expert. I can't seem to find any place that says at what age it is appropriate to start easy... 
also we tried a bunch of swaddles.  love to dream was too disruptive for my LO- we switched to the miracle blanket ( arms are more contained)- its a miracle, we also got a dockatot for the crib- its more cocoony, again a miracle as well. best of luck!

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #5 on: March 27, 2017, 19:25:44 pm »
I can't seem to find any place that says at what age it is appropriate to start easy..
Tracy Hogg advised that EASY should be started as soon as possible and ideally the day you arrive home from hospital.  It is of course a period of observation and then gentle introduction to routine in the early weeks.
Starting EASY with a newborn-What to Expect


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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #6 on: March 27, 2017, 20:50:40 pm »
Oops yes, now I remember reading that. Sorry

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Re: Am I Doing Shush Pat Correctly?
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2017, 14:02:57 pm »
No need to be sorry - we are here to support one another where we can :)