I cant go on like this much longer!

[ella&jack'smum]

Ella's sleep has been terrible since xmas. We now have to sit on the stairs and wait for her to go to sleep (which she fights) - usually around 10.30pm. She wakes about 3 crying for us and one of us ends up sleeping on the floor with her. During these times she gives us so much ATTITUDE - shouting, kikcing, crying, hitting etc you can't ignore it. Last night at 4am as she stamped on my face I lost it big time and just shouted my head off at her - dh had to come and take over.

Before xmas she was a dream sleeper - never woke in the night, always went down well. We've tried cutting out her nap, which she still likes, but it makes no difference.

We've tried ignoring her (impossible), giving in to everything she wants, inducements like special fairy lights to keep her safe, promises of chocolate and stickers in the morning, but absolutely nothing works. She now seems stuck in the mindset that one of us needs to be with her for her to go to sleep.

I am SO exhausted it's unbelievable, and it's showing. I'm ratty with both the kids, crying at the drop of a hat, feeling very depressed generally and it's also affecting my relationship with dh becuase: 1. in the last 4 days we have literally not had 5 minutes together, 2. we differ on how to appraoch it - he will suddenly throw something new into the equation like - you won't go to the park again until you sleep on your own, and 3. he can't bear me talking about how much this is getting me down - he's very much let's talk how to fix it, whereas i need to get out how much all this is affecting me.

I'm about to contact my 2 best friends to plead for a night off in the next few weeks so me and dh can go away for a night and at least try and relax.

But in the meantime what the heck do I do? I am already dreading what tonight will bring, and still trying to recover from last night.

[albertasweetpea]

Sue - I can't be of much help right now as Molly isn't at that age yet and Mason has thankfully surpassed it. All I can give you is great big {{{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}}}!!!
Hang in there. I would call a friend and escape with DH for awhile, it will do you both a world of good!!

[Carmela's Mom]

The only way I know how to handle something like that is do not talk to her in the night.  Go to bed in your own room.  When she wakes and comes out of the room, get her and put her back into bed.  The first time say "it's time to sleep." ... each time after that just put her in bed without saying one word or any eye contact.  This takes awhile but everyone I know that has used it says it works.  Good luck.

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hi Sue.It's not much fun at all is it?

Well Emily's not in her big bed yet,but when Jessica was going through this,we did was Carmelas mum did.No talking,just taking her by the hand and putting her back to bed.
I would suggest a star chart,but before she goes to bed,tell her if she stays in bed all night she can have a star,if she gets out of bed she will have a sad face on the chart.Only say it once,and don't bribe her with anything,she knows how desperate you are when you get to that stage.
I have been kicked,punched,bitten etc and have lost it many times,so I really feel for you,but,(i know this sounds impossible) just ignore her.
When you put her to bed,do what you would normally do and if she's out of bed before you reach the door,just carry on.If you get downstairs and she's there within seconds,turn around and take her straight back.Obviously to begin with,it's hard to take her by the hand,so just carry her.Oh and don't just chuck her into bed.(everyone's done it so you'll know what I mean)
This is going to take some time,so you need to be persistant and persevere.It's also worth telling her before she gets her pj's on that this is what you're going to do.
Another also,in the morning show her the chart,if she's been out of bed,draw a sad face on it.This will probably give her a tantrum,but hey,it's morning :wink: When she does get a star then go right overboard with the praise.
I imagine it could be the whole Xmas thing.Try it for at least 2 weeks,make sure DH knows what to do.
What time does she go to bed?I would make sure she's in bed by 7.15pm at the latest.
HTH  xx

[mcruari]

Sue,
I'm there too so I know what you are going through. I often 'flip' too so you are not alone.
Sarah has been helping me make progress on our sleeping process and I think we're coming through. So stick with the advice here as it's all good :wink:  :wink:
Good luck

Sinead

[B1PZNT49]

well unfortunetly i can't offer any advice as i am in the exact same boat! although i have been doing since march of 2005...my ds will be 3 this march..we moved last march, he started new daycare etc..went from crib to bed, wanted us to cuddle him during the transition and it's been the same since..it only takes one of us about 20 minutes to lay with him in his bed until he falls asleep, but he still should be able to fall asleep on his own, i will agree.  Fortunetly we have not encounted the kicking, screaming etc, although we have offered insentives only a few times ( stickers, toys, chocolate etc) and my son talks the talk all day long about how he wants to try hard to fall asleep my himself, then come bedtime he says he doesn't need any toys, stickers etc..that we can give them away to another child and that he just wants to be close to us while he falls asleep. so he does fall asleep within 15 -20 minutes, we are able to leave the room and go about our business( he goes to bed about 830) however the past 4-5 weeks..he is awaking by midnight, crying, we go get him and bring him into our bed or just lay with him again (we have a 12 week old who does sleep on her own and we don't want to wake!).....
so....my son goes to bed with a parent laying with him (20 minute ritual)...wakes around midnight and is back with us again..every night.
my question is if we have already accepted this ritual and behaviour and have been laying with him for the past 10 months, can we try to stop it now by all of a sudden not speaking to him when he gets up at midnight or better yet should we all of a sudden just tell him we won't lay with him and try to lead him back at the start of the night??
i'm torn, as i feel as though it may make him feel unloved, confused??
as we've been doing it happily all this time?
i figured it only takes 20 minutes, he went to sleep happy and secure..he was going to sleep in his OWN bed, not ours so we still had some privacy...
? help please..mom in canada..

[ella&jack'smum]

no progress - am going to have to really plan and take in your replies before starting - also discuss with dh, so we get it right.

some progress for us though - next friday our best friends are coming to stay over and me and dh are booked into a hotel nearby and a 7 course malaysian banquet!!!!! hooray - they said yes straight away and are prepared to sleep on her floor if that's what it takes for us to get a break - i love them!!!!!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Have a good one Sue  :wink:

I know it takes a while to get your head round,but if you start asap then chances are,by the time you go away this may already be much better.
Have a chat with DH though.
I think it all sounds really easy,when you've already done it,I tell you,the amount of times people told me that,I just wanted to tell them to bog off.
So do it in your own time

[jessica and emilys mummy]

To B1PZNT49
 I would gradually make the laying in the bed with him shorter,by about 5 mins at a time.Over a time period that suits you both.
Tell him that you are only going to lay with him for 15 mins (or whatever you prefer) and stick to it.
If he gets up after that,then you can take him back to bed and keep doing that until he stays there.
When he comes to your room in the middle of the night,just calmly tell him that he has to stay in his bed and take him back.If you need to stay with him,just stay for 1-2 minutes

Let us know how you're doing

[jessica and emilys mummy]

How's it going guys??

[Louise (Will's mum)]

Hi there

I haven't used this website for quite a while, but wonder if anyone can offer some advice?  

Like Ella, Will's sleep has been terrible since xmas. He was ill all over the holidays with a viral infection and sickness and has since had a chest infection (which he's now got antibiotics for).  His bedtime routine hasn't changed for months, but he now struggles to fall asleep and can sometimes be crying and shouting for up to an hour or so (til say 8.30/9 o clock). I do try to comfort him, and usually give him more milk hoping that it'll get him off, but to no avail!  He will go down eventually, but I hate listening to him crying for ages.  I used to use the sshh method when Will was younger, but it's difficult now has his mattress is as far down as it can go and you have to stretch down.  

During the last week he has slept right through twice, but has been waking three or four times for the last two months.  I do go armed with a bottle of milk, and he will usually drain it, and sometimes it'll work to get him back off but sometimes (more often than not) he'll just start crying when I leave the room.

Will, just like Ella, used to be a dream sleeper - never woke in the night, always went down well, but he's certainly not a dream baby at the moment!  

I too am exhausted and have the darkest circles under my eyes!  I'm also trying to get over a chest infection, but it's difficult when I can't rest during the night and have to go to work during the day.  

Does anyone have any advice that I could follow, or a magic wand that could rectify everything over night???  If only!

[ella&jack'smum]

UPDATE

Following a pm with jessica & emily's mummy, we implemented the putting her back in her bed with no contact technique 6 days ago.

The first night going to bed was pretty awful, and we mucked up a bit too, so all in all that didn't go well. But in the night straight away we found a big improvement - took her back to bed about 8 times in 20 mins and then she stayed there - no sleeping on the floor!!!

Since then things have got better - the next night was MUCH better. Now we are at the point where we usually have to go back up at bedtime about 3 times. But she's stopped crying now, she's just moaning in protest, which is much easier to deal with.

And in the night she literally gets up once, I put her back in bed and that's it until morning. I think this is becoming a habit though, because she doesn't cry at all, just says mummy, and by the time i get to my bedroom door she's already halfway back to bed! Would dearly love to get rid of this but don't know how - worried if I ignore her it might start the whole thing off again. Any ideas?

But on the whole things are improved beyond belief and I feel like I have my evenings and my husband back!! And we still get to go away on Friday night  :wink: !!!

MANY MANY THANKS TO JESSICA & EMILY'S MUMMY WHO HAS BEEN A COMPLETE STAR IN TAKING THE TIME TO HELP ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WASN'T WELL!!!!

[jessica and emilys mummy]

Hey Sue
So glad it's working
To everyone else having problems we did the counting to 10 in and out
Her goes;
When you put them to bed and they're crying lay them down,go out of the room and count to 10,go in lay them doen,go out,count to 10,go in,lay them down,go out,count to 10 etc
You only go in if they're still crying and you can ,make the counting to 10 as long or short as you like eg,12345678910 or 1...............2..............3 etc
If they're laying down,but still crying,then go in after 10 and stroke head once and go out and continue.
I PROMISE you the first night is the worse,but I did pelvic floors whilst counting which took my mind off of the screaming.
Also if they stop crying after the count of 5 or 6 for example,stop counting,then start again when the crying starts.
Don't go in to check if the crying has stopped,chances are they're just dozing and will make it 20 times worse (believe me,I did this a couple of times as did Sue :wink: )
Any questions then I'm here.

[ella&jack'smum]

GOOD NEWS!!!!

Me and DH had a lovely night away last Friday!!!
Ella has been a complete star for the last 5 nights - no fuss at bedtime, no getting out of bed in the night!
Fingers crossed that it's problem solved and our dream sleeper is back.
At least we know what to do if it happens again!

[naunmom]

How old is your little one?

I may need to try this technique soon.  We recently moved homes and one of us (dh or myself) have had to sleep in ds room at night ... we've been at the new home for about 2 weeks ... I think he's acclimated and we need to get him back to independent sleeping.