12 week old dummy addict - desperate for advice

[FiThomson]

I am thoroughly confused now and do not know how to address this so am desperate for some advice and reassurance from people who have battled with this.

My 11.5 wo Charlotte seems to have become dummy dependent (my own fault for over use I think).  She used to just need to suck for a few minutes at most naps and bedtime (sometimes not needing it at all) to sooth herself and then I could remove and she would fall asleep, then it became that she needed it for longer and I would only be able to take it out when she was in a light sleep.  Now, she needs it at all naps and at bedtime (but not after the dream feed or night feed).

She has also started waking in the night for it, even if I have removed it when she is still in a light sleep - she may sleep for three hours after I remove it but once awake that is the only thing that works.  Patting used to work but now it only works in conjunction with the dummy.  She wakes needing the dummy at least twice if not more before she wakes out of hunger around 4am - I am certain she is not waking for hunger but for the dummy before this as she falls straight asleep with the dummy and also there have been the odd night where she has not woken for it and has slept through to 5 or 6 am before being hungry.

Would you agree she is addicted? it seems to have turned from a soothing item to a prop just in the last two days.

Should I wean or does a 11.5 wo still really need to suck to sooth?

The last two days I have been trying to apply gentle removal to take out before she is asleep but it is getting worse and now as soon as I take it out she goes mad.  So does this mean I should go 'cold turkey'? 

I tried getting her to nap without it this morning and everytime I removed it she cried like crazy (and my textbook/angel baby rarely cries so it has been heart breaking).  I picked her up and patted her back and she quieted but as soon as I put her in her crib and continued patitng she screamed again, so I picked her up and se kept screaming for a few minutes and then quieted, stayed quiet for a few minutes and then screamed again.  After 10 mins of her screaming with me patting and reassuring her I caved and gave it to her and now she is asleep (I removed it after 10 mins and she is still asleep 50 mins later).

If cold turkey is the way to go I know I cannot cave again and need to be strong but not sure this is the right approach or if I should let her have it if she has cried for so long and I cannot get her to settle (but that also seems wrong - to let her cry and then give it to her anyway).

I know she is due a growth spurt and also has injections early next week (and got a high fever last time) so am scared of trying cold turkey now and then needing to give in if she is poorly next week. 

What should I do?  I cannot spend the next few months going in three + times a night to plug back in and relying on it every nap for her to go to sleep and having to re-insert when she wakes.  HELP!  I am losing the plot and getting really stressed about this.

Thanks

Fiona

[VLR2006]

Hi,

I posted something similar the other day as i'm not sure if i have created a dummy addict !  My personal opinion is my son (16 weeks) needs to suck to settle down.  he has found his thumb but it doesnt actually stay in his mouth and i really feel that i would prefer him not to be a thumb sucker as that is a much harder habit to break.  My friends daughter is a thumb sucker and she now has a problem where her head is tilting to the side where she sucks her thumb and it doesnt really go the other way.   Try and see if you can leave your daughter for the naps during the day with pu/pud when she cries and see if she can find another way to self soothe. 

I tried a few times to not give Luke the dummy during naps but he just will not sleep.  He really fusses and after half an hour i gave in and gave it to him and his eyes rolled back in his head and he was out like a light.  In my case i am just going to let him have it for the time being as its how he calms down for sleeping.

About re-inserting it.  My son slept 12 hours straight for 3 weeks and then started waking at weird times during the night.  I was told by my pediatrician that you can expect babies to wake up at least once a night until they are 10 months, they just arent meant to sleep for long periods all the time.  Since he was 6 weeks old i have always gone to him when he wakes to give him the dummy and if he goes back to sleep again then i know it wasnt hunger, if he wakes up so soon after then i assume its hunger and he needs a feed.  I havent fed him in the night now for over 5 weeks, he has woken up a few times but always goes back down again when given the paci, and down for another 5-6 hours.  All this week he has been doing 12 hours again without stirring so i hope i can put it down to him not expecting a feed in the night and just settling back to sleep.

If you want to cut the dummy out all together then you need to just get rid of them and give it a few days to allow her to find other ways to self soothe.  In the first babywhisperer book Tracy said she got rid of the dummy of an older baby then he started sucking his tongue and this settled him down. 

Louise xx

[Kimberly®]

Hi there

At 11.5 weeks some LO's do still need to suck for comfort. I would question the hunger at night though, at her age that early feed may be what she needs after all. Have you tried to feed her? it may be that she is waking for that and not the paci. I'd suggest for about 3-4 days you try feeding her first and see if maybe that helps. I say that because one she's still young, and two you said she doesn't always wake for it and sometimes sleeps longer.
If you want to brake the habit not then its a good time to start your LO is still young and will learn other methods of self soothing. There are many sides and positions in the paci vs thumb debate and I don't intent to make this one. I, however, am a big believer in the thumb sucking ring. I sucked my thumb as a baby right through till about 2-3. I dropped the habit on my own according to my mom. I think to many people focus on not having thumb suckers that they inadvertently prevent self soothing or create paci dependency by always giving them a paci rather then letting them settle themselves. Its true with other props as well at times. I understand this desire and I respect it, however, I don't agree with it.  I would recommend you try encourageing your LO to find her hand. If she finds her hand she'll learn faster how to sooth herself. If she develops a thumb sucking habit then the key is don't make a big deal of it. the more you bug your child, the more you try to stop them the worse it will get. If you leave them alone most kids drop the habit on their own. Encourage your child to self sooth.
I'm not a huge fan of "cold turkey" myself I personally think its to hard on a LO. I recommend the gentel removal plan. Now you said that its been making it worse. Try leaving her be for a week or so, and then trying again. See if that makes any difference. Your LO may not be ready. You could always try pat/shush before the paci too.
Do you swaddle?? if not try using a swaddle to help her settle. You can use an Aussie swaddle to allow your LO access to her hands.
Also try introducing a Lovie, this will help your LO adjust and give her something else to use for comfort. She may even use that instead of her fist.

You have to find what works for your LO. Continue to listen to her and she'll tell you in her own way and her own time.

HTH

[KellyC]

Hi

We got rid of the dummy cold turkey at 12 weeks - it was tough for the first couple of weeks but before long I couldn't even remember using it and I never miss it, I'm so pleased I tackled it early on.  Your LO is too young for PU/PD so if you take away the dummy you'll need to teach her to sleep using shush/pat.  There's a sticky on the top of the PU/PD forum which explains how to do shush/pat but feel free to come back to more if you have any questions or would like some more information.  We actually kept Zander swaddled to begin with because he wasn't consistently able to suck his fingers and it actually disturbed him rather than soothed him.  A couple of weeks later once he was more co-ordinated we took one arm out of the swaddle - whilst we were sleep training he slept on his side and we unswaddled his bottom arm and put it near his face when we laid him down, his body helped to keep it there.  A few weeks later we took the other arm out and he now sleeps in a sleeping bag.  I'd say he was still a very sucky baby until he was 5-6 months old and his fingers were permanently in his mouth, however he never sucks his fingers or thumb now so just because you don't give a dummy it doesn't mean your LO will become addicted to thumb sucking instead.  Feel free to PM me if I can support you any more - I remember this stage very well, no doubt there will be tears (yours as well as your LO's) but it will be worth it if this is what you want to do.

Kelly x